Am I a People Pleaser?

Welcome to coffee hour at Chicklit Power. Today’s topic comes from my Beth Moore study on “David, 90 Days with A Heart like His.”
To bring you up to speed, the children of Israel complained and demanded that they be given a king, just like all the other nations. Well, God spoke to Samuel and told him who to appoint as their king, and, no, it wasn’t because He wanted their approval, rather, He had a plan to work through their bad choices and complaining, and His sovereignty would not be thwarted. He is like that with us as well. He uses our whining and complaining, and even our bad choices to teach us and refine us. What an amazing love.
Anyway, so all the people gather, and out of all the tribes, all the people, the one selected was the least likely to be appointed. He was from the Tribe of Benjamin. The Word paints a vivid picture of a young guy, hunched over with low self-esteem, despite God having told him he was to be appointed. You would think because he was given a heads-up, he’d be confident, but you see, Saul, the appointed one, was a loner sort of guy, probably didn’t have a whole lot of friends, and if we were to research about him a bit deeper, who knows what else we would find out about him and his past which led to all of his insecurities. But the fact is, he was focused more on what others would think than he was on the one who had appointed him, the one who would equip him.
I can really relate with the guy, having spent most of my childhood in a foster home and desiring to belong somewhere with someone all the time, so much so that I too became a constant people pleaser with an overwhelming need to have others like me. That is, until He caused me to run into myself and showed me why I was constantly seeking others’ approval and/or friendship to fill that hole that only He could fill.
Oh, how easy it is to slip and start to fall down the slippery slope and into the pool of people-pleasing. I still have to remind myself that my identity is wrapped up in Him, especially when wearing my court-reporter hat and interacting out there in the world instead of being in my safe haven of writing Fiction for the Mind, Body and Soul, which can be somewhat lonely at times. I have fallen enough times to know that if I’m not careful, approval can become my compass throughout life and lead me to ultimate desperation and aloneness.
So when you feel yourself start to be pulled down that slippery slope of people pleasing, ask yourself, “Who and why am I trying to please or impress?” Ultimately if you are trying to please yourself, is it to satisfy your need to please others, or vice versa, if you are trying to please others, is it to fill that hole in you and please yourself?
I wonder what our world would look like if we all tried to please Him more and others less. His approval opens all doors; man’s approval closes them….

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33 Responses to “Am I a People Pleaser?”

  1. I agree that if we spend all of our time trying to please others…one might as well run in circles which then leads to just being winded and no further along. If we just please ourselves…however that looks, ie, shopping, eating, partying, serial relationship hunting (the list is virtually endless)…then we are considered narcissistic and or running away from ourselves with distractions. We actually need to please ourselves by asking our God to reside in us and show us “what” is pleasing to Him which will ultimately lead to being pleased within ourselves…it is a delicate balance. I think if we are doing the will of God (being in prayer…seeking guidance…listening/receiving His gifts or answers) then it will be a natural consequence of pleasing others…others will see Him through you. We won’t be running away from ourselves in self loathing, but running to Him with purpose and love for ourselves and for others…which is pleasing to not only God…but others…that is when pleasing others is really right!

  2. Sherrie says:

    I believe most of us do care what others think and seek approval from others. It is good for our own egos. Is it always the right thing to do? I don’t think so, because some of those we are trying to seek approval from are not interested in our best interest. Seeking to please God will always lead to a better road to travel as He always wants what is best for us 🙂 Without daily prayer and reading of His word I cannot have any idea what purpose He has for my life!

  3. admin says:

    Sherrie, thank you for your honest comment. We do care about what others think. It’s finding that balance that’s important.
    Be blessed

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    Karen,
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    Hugs and blessings

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