I Can’t but He Can-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

I Can’t But He Can!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. “

Philippians 4:13

 

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

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Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for joining me today for a little coffee break. It’s so important to slow down and take a break from it all, and not just to get re-charged, either! I found something over the weekend that better explains what I was trying to share with you on Friday about this whole medical melodrama! Grab your coffee and come on in.

We’ll get back to where we left off, me staring at the ominous tube that sat waiting to devour me under the guise of magnetic resonance photography, but I just need to share what I couldn’t quite put my finger on as it relates to the way I’ve handled this whole hospital stay up to this point. I found the exact words in my “Dear Jesus” devotional by Sarah Young. I’m beyond blessed that He has spoken to me through her and so I just want to share this with you because it’s part of the bigger picture, the beautiful lesson I’ve attained from this circumstance and her words explain exactly what I was feeling:

Dear Jesus, you know how I long to practice Your presence more consistently. When I keep my focus on You, my whole perspective is brighter, more joyful. When I’m preoccupied with problems, I feel weighted down and anxious. Yet the default setting of my mind seems to be ‘problem solving.’” – has this author been in my head with a camera? “My thoughts tend to flow toward finding what is wrong and trying to fix it. I want to break free from its hurtful pattern but its roots go deep into my being.”

Oh, does this ever speak to me! See, that’s what I did my entire stay in the hospital, is focus on the questions and the absence of answers! I did not practice His presence but I did sip from it in my darkest hours.

For those of you thinking this whole series has been a bit anti-climactic, even bordering on boring, please let me encourage you to put your own circumstance in here in place of mine. In other words, has there ever been a time you were asked to do something you just didn’t know if you could? Have you ever had to face one of your biggest fears or deal with a growing phobia? Well, one of my biggest phobias is claustrophobia, which is why I needed these words of wisdom to use as weapons of warfare. In the days to come following this procedure, life would show the necessity for this particular WOW to root in my heart and produce fruit in my life.

Now let’s get back to this procedure! And remember, if you don’ t suffer from claustrophobia, just bring whatever challenge/fear you haven’t faced to this story, and let the truth that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you come to life in you!

When the young guy opened the door and I saw that tube-like machine, I literally forgot to breathe for several seconds. I felt my eyes enlarge as my breath left me. I was experiencing a sense of terror I hadn’t felt since overcoming my fear of the ocean over a year ago; all the while I could feel his eyes on me. His gentle voice brought me out of my temporary terror-induced coma. “I’m just going to wheel you over to the bed and we’ll have you sit on the bed for a few minutes.”

I shook my head vehemently. “I’m not going near there . . . yet.”

My terror must have splashed him, prompting him to ask, “Did they give you your anti-anxiety medicine?”

I nodded my head in reply, realizing that I had totally over-ridden the would-be, could-be positive effects of the medication.

For the next five minutes, he coaxed and gently prodded me toward that blasted thing, assuring me we’d take it one step at a time.

The noise coming from the machine was enough to send one hiding for cover. It actually sounded like a war zone, shots being fired without ceasing. I let out a huge breath as he wheeled me closer to it, the sound getting louder and louder. This wasn’t doing my migraine any good, let me tell you!

I could feel myself shaking as I got up and out of the wheelchair and lifted myself up on what felt like my deathbed. I began to shiver more from nerves than cold. Again, his ever-so-gentle voice pulled me from myself: “Now I just want you to close your eyes. Take deep breaths.”

I shook my head more vehemently than the last time.

“It’s okay. We’ll sit here for a few minutes.” His hand on my shoulder emphasized he wasn’t going anywhere until this was done. He asked me again to lie down.

Same response: I was rigid with fear.

Then he began to talk to me about going other places in my mind and the loud shooting noise drowned out whatever else he said. He was so stinking calm it was almost unnerving!

Finally he talked me into lying down and back with my head very close to that machine’s opening. He then proceeded to strap something rather heavy over my chest and stomach, and when he pulled the strap rather tight, I thought for sure my heart was going to burst from anxiety. “It’s too tight,” I hissed.

“Okay. Let me loosen it just a little.”

The release of the strap triggered an enormous breath from within.

He handed me the panic button, explaining to me that anytime I was struggling, I could push it and he would get me out of there ASAP. “Go ahead and push it for me now.”

All I can say is at this moment, God had to be in me because I really just wanted to put my thumb on that thing and press it without ceasing, forcing him to give up on me. But I didn’t. I did as he asked and pressed it, quickly, and I felt him smile.

“Are you ready to go in just a little?”

“No.”

When he announced that he was going to put earplugs in my ears, I opened my eyes again. I let him put them in, sadly surprised that I could still hear him. I was like a petulant child, wishing it would all just go away.

“Remember, the main thing is to keep your eyes closed, and if you’re good at holding your breath, we’ll get this done even quicker.”

Oh, great, an ex-smoker being asked to be strong at holding her breath! How much more difficult could this be? I groaned out loud and looked at him. All I was capable of saying was, “Okay.”

He asked me three more times, “Are you ready to go in?”

My answer was the same every single time: “Not yet.” I battled with the voice of reason, knowing I couldn’t get out of this yet not knowing how to get through this.

Without warning, he pushed the button to begin rolling me inside. I pushed the button; he stopped and I made the biggest mistake of opening my eyes. The blinding light collided with my cold sweat that suddenly surged from my body. It was just too much! I closed my eyes and was about to push the panic button when he asked if I was all right.

Suddenly, out of heaven, came a tiny splash of determination. I gritted my teeth and pushed out one word: “Hurry.”

It seemed like forever before I felt the bed moving ever so slowly into what for sure felt like my tomb, and then it stopped.

Join me tomorrow for divine intervention,

Evinda

2014 HeadshotP.S. We will be on the air today at 1:00 Pacific time so join us for our second segment of the year on How to Love Who You Love. We will be sharing truths that will revolutionize even the most difficult of your relationships and since Steve is a licensed therapist, it’s like getting 30 minutes of free counseling! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

 

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