Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for joining me today for a cup of coffee and this new series, “Fears are like . . . “ I truly hope that this story will bring revelation in your life and take root in your heart and life. Grab your coffee and come on in! 🙂

So I have just announced that I was not going to be kayaking after all. Suddenly, my carefree day had gone sour and what I thought I was looking forward to was carried out to sea by the waves of fear that were threatening to overtake me, just like the waves had all those years ago.

“So where did you think we were going?” Joe said from the driver’s seat.

“You said we were going to the caves.” I sounded like a petulant toddler needing to have her diaper changed, even to my own ears.

“And that’s still where we’re going.”                                               The silence was deafening and the tension suffocating, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t think we were going in the ocean,” I managed to stammer.

“Where else can you kayak if not at the beach?” Joe was trying to be good-natured, and even invested a little bit of energy coming up with jokes. Everyone else laughed but me. All I could think of was waves, and I was more than a little frustrated with getting myself into this pickle.

George’s gentle voice brought me back to the tense air in the car. “It’s going to be okay,” he assured me. I listened as he explained to Joe and Janine how I could have made such a big mistake in my kayaking geography. “When we kayaked in Kauai, it was more like a river in a forest so that’s what she was probably thinking it was going to be like.”

I was grateful for my husband’s explanation for my misunderstanding and tried to smile my appreciation to him, but at the mention of Kauai, my eyes welled up. Oh, if I could only be there, anywhere but here, I miserably thought to myself.

He began to rub my arm gently, and Janine turned around to look at me and offer some words meant to be encouraging, and if it had been about anything else but kayaking in waves, I might have been encouraged. She even went as far to say something about there weren’t going to be any waves today and the surfers were not happy.

The crazy thing about this is the ocean is my favorite place to be, as long as I’m not IN it! I mean, I love to go boating but boating is WAY different from kayaking in many ways. The biggest difference is it’s really easy to tip a kayak! Just the thought of it and I tense up. I used to enjoy cruises, too, but the older I get the more claustrophobic I get.

Sitting at the beach, on the sand, is one of my most very favorite things to do. Nothing calms me like the sound of the waves, which He controls. Nothing inspires me like the sound of the waves as I sit on the sand and watch them. Whenever I do go to the beach and if it’s really hot, the most I’ll do is go in to my waist, and even then I’m gasping in fear. If I’m feeling real brave, I might bend down and let my head get wet. That’s on a real strong day! 🙂 But swimming in the ocean, absolutely not, not only no, but heck no!

“I’m really sorry, you guys,” I apologized from the back seat while almost curling up in the corner. George tried to tell me that I was going to kayak, and when he saw that wasn’t working, he gave up and joined my refusal to kayak all the while keeping his good-natured attitude. “That’s okay; you guys can kayak and we’ll sit on the beach, or maybe go for a walk.”

Oh, how sweet, I thought to myself. I still was a bit irritated with him for not only minimizing my fear, but actually making fun of me!  I watched the landscape go by and wondered how a day that had started out so filled with excitement and promises of fun could take a sharp turn down Nightmare Lane so quickly.

I began to kick myself inwardly as I realized I had been so ready for fun that I had come with nothing to do, nothing to read, no laptop to sit and work on, just my purse. The thought of sitting with him on the beach while he found ways to remind me that we should be out there kayaking with our friends was nothing I would willingly do, either.

I haven’t been in such a state of mind for I don’t know how long, but I am not the type of person, anymore that is, that can stay in an emotionally miserable place, either. I usually like to work through these tough times by looking for the good, finding a win/win way out, if you will.

Join me tomorrow for more of this saga of fear!




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2 Responses to “Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

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