Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today. I’m so sorry that it’s taken me a while to get back to this story/revelation, but we’re finally back to it so grab your coffee and come on in. I think I left off in the parking lot of the kayak shop where I was on the fence as to whether I was going to go on this adventure or not. If this is your first time with us, you may want to check the archives from the week before last. That way you don’t feel like you’re jumping into the middle of the ocean! 🙂 Speaking of jumping in the ocean, did you hear about the kayakers who were nearly swallowed up by a lunging humpback whale in Santa Cruz just the other day? OMG! And I’m not meaning to say “Obama must go”! Now there’s a thought to make you smile! Just kidding. No politics! 🙂

Janine, Joe and my hubby began to make small talk as we made our way into Joe’s Kayak Shop, as if I was going. I still hadn’t made up my mind, but I didn’t bother to disagree with them either, even when it was our turn to put our reservation in and we made it for four. I say we because I truly was trying to work through the fear that was coursing its way through my veins like ice water. “I’m a stronger, different person than I was all those years ago,” I told myself. “Yeah, but the waves haven’t changed; they are still as powerful and threatening as when you were a little kid,” the other side of my brain screamed.

The reservation wasn’t for an hour and a half so we decided to go get a bit to eat. We walked around the block, down another street and couldn’t find what we were looking for. Actually, they were all being nice because I had suggested that we find a Mexican restaurant so I could have a big margarita. Uh-huh, I thought,” If I’m a bit numb, maybe I won’t be so scared” Maybe I could finally face this fear! 🙂 🙁 🙂 (Remember this thought for later in the story, please!) Besides, to me, any time is a good time to eat Mexican food. And chips and hot salsa are a definite addiction! I often wonder if my biological mom didn’t find me at a Mexican farm! 🙂

Well, as it turned out, there was no Mexican restaurant, so there was no margarita. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t looking to get drunk or buzzed and yet I felt that a margarita could sort of take the edge out or bring me in off the ledge, but now I know He didn’t want me to have anything in my system that would cloud or distort the truth that He was about to expose to me.

We had a great lunch and even laughed a lot. The food was even pretty good for not being Mexican food! I was able to put my fear aside for almost the whole meal, but when it came time to pay the bill, the butterflies in my stomach woke up and started raging a war inside, and not just in my stomach, they started making their way up to my mind.

My husband picked up on it right away and he suggested that we do something I love to do: walk on the beach for a while, so we did. Now normally, a walk along the beach can chase anything away that shouldn’t be there, in my mind that is, but this time, my gaze, both physical and emotional, was stuck like glue on all the kayakers out in the water. I tried to stay in the moments, drifting in and out of their conversations and occasional laughter as the time to answer was drawing nearer.

Join me tomorrow for more of the story . . .




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2 Responses to “Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Emmett Petko says:

    Quite great publish, thanks a great deal for sharing. Do you happen to have an RSS feed I can subscribe to?

  2. Yes, there is a link on the right hand side of the page.