Happy to be Sad #3 From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power, and thanks so much for stopping by. I’m blessed that there is you to share these moments with, moments that I’ll hold in my heart forever, moments that make me happy I’m sad. Grab your coffee and come on in.

We got the results from the gastric scan and they revealed no bleeding! We were amazed and thankful. About 3:30, Mom dropped off to sleep so my brother, his wife, me and my sister went to Starbucks and sat and talked for a while. We came back and we didn’t have long to wait before she woke up again and then it was time for dinner.

This was probably the most poignant dinner hour I’ve ever spent with her. It was as if it was just her and I; my sister and brother and his wife in the background talking and laughing and I was feeding her, trying to get her to eat. She said some pretty profound things in between bites of roast beef with gravy and a soft dinner roll. She was having a heck of a time eating because her dentures really needed sharpened. Anyway, I had another forkful of food on its way when I was stopped midway by her comment: “Kim, you have no idea how lonely I was. I used to call places just to hear voices.”

I felt like a knife had pierced my heart and someone reached in and turned the water on because the tears came before I could stop them. “Well, you’re never going to be lonely again, Mom. You’re stuck with me,” I told her. I was so overwhelmed with sadness, and it was made even more profound by the fact that it could have been different.

She looked up and smiled that new, sweet smile that I knew I could get used to. “You remind me of your grandmother; you’re such a good little nurse.” She actually let out a little burp, which sent us all into a fit of laughter.

We sat around talking and about an hour after dinner, our brother Steve walked in. I caught the look in his eyes as soon as he saw her. Fear danced across his face, if only for a few seconds. My brother is a tough guy, and yet, the more I get to know him, the more I see how soft his heart is. He’s really a good person and I’m so blessed to be getting to know him better. My younger brother has grown up while I was away, and I don’t know him either but I am praying that all of this will bring us closer and not rip us apart any further.

Anyway, back to Mom. So we were sitting there talking with the nurse, and someone brought up my mom’s hemorrhoid issue, and suddenly, Mom held us all captive as she held her head up from the pillow ever so feebly and began to tell the story of how to insert a suppository, beginning with opening up the little bugger 🙂 She was using hand gestures, trying to show us, and she was hysterical. In fact, the lady in the next room was laughing as loud as we were. What a way to end the day.

I was going to take Saturday off and take advantage of everyone else being there, but I decided I didn’t want to. I’m so glad I didn’t because Saturday was made sweeter when she drank about a fourth of the chocolate milkshake we brought her. I still couldn’t believe how weak she was but they were talking about her going back to the nursing/rehabilitation center within the next couple of days. My sister, my two brothers and I had all come to the same conclusion: She could not go back home. This was also what the doctors were saying as well, so I began the search for assisted-living type places and board-and-care type places. To say I was overwhelmed is such an understatement, but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “The Lord will restore what the locusts have stolen.” But apparently He wasn’t referring to time 🙁

George and I finally left about 7:00 that evening and headed out for a quiet dinner together, which we desperately needed. This was the 11th of December, and I hadn’t done a fraction of what I used to for Christmas. It’s funny, because after learning all that I have about Christmas, and how we’ve really paganized it with some of the things we do, the excess we drown ourselves in, I didn’t have time to do it all anyway! And what’s even better, it was okay! After all, I was experiencing more of Christ by being there for and with my mom.

Join me tomorrow for more moments that make me happy I’m sad.


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One Response to “Happy to be Sad #3 From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Jan Bachelor says:

    It is so wonderful to have had all those “special” moments to last you a lifetime isn’t it? Yep, it sure is!
    Love, Nanny-Mom