He Gathers our Tears-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me for Coffee Hour. Today’s blog is dedicated to my self-adopted mom, her entire family, and any other mom who has lost a son or a daughter. Grab your coffee and come on in, but bring some Kleenex with you when you do.

I pulled myself away from what I was doing when my cell phone rang, but as soon as I saw “Mom’s cell” show up on my screen, I happily pressed the button to take her call. I was about to say a very happy hi – I love hearing her voice and we usually talk every day, especially when she’s on these around-the-world trips in her RV with her hubby. I just miss her and yet it squeezes my heart that she, at the age of 84, is able to still do this. Anyway, there was this sobbing on the other end and immediately every ounce of my being stood still, even the beat of my heart. I listened as the sobs turned into almost incomprehensible words. “K… -im…, D… -av…-id’s gone.”

I heard her the first time but I still said “What?” My brain just was not comprehending the message.

“David died in the middle of the night,” she managed to get out in between sobs. The world stood still for me then as I felt her pain and all I could do was cry out, “N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.” Our sobs joined. “I’m so sorry, Mom.” I felt her pain, even though I have never lost a child. All I wanted to do was hold her. I longed to be where she was, but reality was she was in Maine and I in California. The release for my soul’s ache was that she would seek our Father’s grasp.

Immediately I was reminded and relieved that she had had some very special time with him and in fact had just left his house just two days before, planning on coming back after she went to visit one of her grandsons in Maine. I voiced that relief and she agreed and then was reduced to tears again. Thank you, Father, that you have gathered her tears.

Despite the truth that she had some quality time with him this last visit, she knew in her gut something wasn’t right. She as much told me so every day when we talked. She was so sad and heavy-laden as she told me about his struggles, his biggest apparent struggle being that of breathing. Their early-morning breakfast time had become a beautiful tradition every time she came to visit and this time was no exception. What cast a shadow upon it this time was his lack of appetite – a 240 lb man eating only part of a banana and a glass of milk? Mom made him promise he would go see a doctor, and in fact before she left on Tuesday, he told her he had an appointment that Thursday morning.

Mom went on to tell me more of the details that had just been relayed to her; that on Wednesday evening, he had begun to cough up blood, so they took him to emergency. The things that happened next and the discoveries that were uncovered happened within a very short time: They x-rayed his lungs and discovered several cancerous tumors stealing his air. He slipped into a coma and within two hours, he was gone.

As I listened, I just knew in my gut that David had waited to see his mom; that he knew there was something terribly wrong within him and he was ready in his mind, body and soul to go get his new body, claim those new lungs so he could sing in heaven with the angels as he waits for those in his family who dare to believe in the reality of The Heavenly Father, the gift of eternal life in Heaven. Oh, Merciful Father, thank you for putting a quick stop to any and all of his suffering. Even though her and I and my self-adopted sister, Shari, know that we’ll see him again, the sadness is so heavy! 🙁  Hope is our common denominator.

This is still an incredibly sad time for them, and because they are so sad, my heart is sad, too. That’s what family does, especially the family of Christ: We share in one another’s sorrow and joy. Mom said something so true: “You expect that you may bury some or all of your siblings; you expect maybe your spouse, but no way are you supposed to bury your own children.”

The reality of the unfairness of that hits me in the eyes of my heart and yet I must rely on His word that PROMISES (with His blood) that He works ALL things out for the good (His glory and our good) for those who are called according to His purpose. I know my self-adopted mom is called according to His purpose and one of her many purposes in life was to reach out to a wounded wretch like me and love me unconditionally, and therefore start my process so I could go and encourage others.

Because of what I’ve learned, what I’ve come to know as truth, I had to remind her that there would be something beautiful and amazing that came out of this incredibly unexpected and heart-wrenching loss. Her words to me: “I know that, but would you please help me find it when it does.”

Oh, friends, reach out to those who have lost. Don’t tell them not to cry, because you’re asking them not to feel. Don’t even suggest that they have much to be thankful for, because they can’t see that right now. Just love on them, and in a prayerful way, remind them of the hope we share, and the promise that something beautiful will come from the pain of the loss.

I love you so very much, Mom. And to the whole Standefer family, may the love your family was founded on bind you together toward heaven, that you may enjoy the biggest family reunion ever! 🙂

Evinda (Kim)

Join Steve & me for Blog Talk today at 1:00 Pacific time, or just click on the “Listen to my weekly podcast” link and you’ll land right in our Destination? Joyful! show.


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5 Responses to “He Gathers our Tears-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. neenee says:

    Kim, you r so gifted in how you write …. always know that. My heart goes out to Pat and her fam. I will b praying for them. As hard as it is right now I pray that she would believe and trust that our Father knew about this and is comforting her thru this time and will bring her peace which only comes from His grace. love u

  2. Jan Bachelor says:

    Oh sweet Pat having such pain is truly hard to hold up under. Praise God she had a special time with him and surely there was some concern, but also laughter and love shared. Hey, that is one of the most important things before one goes to Jesus is the ability to speak your love, and to receive that love. It brings great peace to our souls. Of course we have the pain of loss, that is human, but we also have the PROMISE of everlasting togetherness. All our time here is a temporary thing, one we can be very surprised by. I give glory to the Lord for His arms of comfort that wrap around us so we are able to bear up under this world.
    Blessings of peace and comfort to Pat, you, and all the family. Luv You

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  4. Sherrie says:

    I am so sorry to hear of Pat’s loss and pain she is experiencing. I know words cannot provide the comfort and peace only our heavenly Father can. My prayer is to bring her and the family joyful memories to replace the current pain and sorrow in their hearts.
    Love you

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