He’s a Housekeeper, Too? Cleaning the Closet-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today for the conclusion of cleaning the closet. Roll up your sleeves and grab your coffee. We’re about to do some deep cleaning. 🙂

I got comfortable in the chair beside Him and just sensed in my inner being that He had much to share with me so I waited.

“To get us started in this most difficult room, I would like to share sort of a story with you, daughter, one that too many of my children can relate to and with and this one is about your child abuse.”

Just hearing the words “child abuse” made me cringe.

“See, you are one of the fortunate ones in this vicious cycle of child abuse, for shame traps most of them into silence while the perpetrator goes seemingly unpunished for their violations against the abused, thus leaving them entangled within the circle of long-term effects. This is why we must clean out this closet, because these effects sort of ripple into each other.”

His words made sense in my heart.

“But now that the cause of your child abuse is removed, you have become free to go forward in life, but there is an imaginary box that contains hundreds of pieces which represent the effects that accompany the child abuse that you and many of my children have endured.”

I had no idea when I had begun to cry, but the tears were coming down my face now. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, either, but it was confusing, like a combination of anger and sadness. I kept quiet as He continued.

“See, you can’t put the past behind you until the effects no longer live so deep within you. These things done to your flesh have scarred your heart, your emotions and because they live in the flesh, that is why this is a process that takes time. I can’t come in and just snap it all away like one could clean a room with a shop vac.”

The voice of truth beckoned within me and I realized that His voice had called me some time ago, beginning to give me the tools to unlock the closed box and sort through the pieces.

“See, because the effects are buried so deep within you and every other child who has been abused, the process is a long and arduous one, and it is a bit complicated by the fact that there are many residual effects attached to the larger ones.”

His words illuminated understanding in my heart and mind. And I was fascinated at the way He was piecing together my own journey.

He smiled and continued. “As the pieces come together in this cleaning-out-the-closet process, the color will come, adding depth and contrast to the picture of your life, and this process will rid you of the shame that you have carried within you and yet that which clothes you and all other victims of child abuse. The deceitful thing about that is the tendency to get comfortable with those clothes but they hide your sense of self-worth because of surviving instead of relating.”

I gasped at the truths He was pouring into me.

“Those clothes of shame also close your eyes to the non-development of your observing ego.”

“What in the world is my observing ego?” I blurted out.

“That is the ability to see your true self accurately. When shame is removed, what is exposed is your almost innate desire to control your surroundings due to a lack of ability to trust. That is why I refer to this shame as toxic, but unfortunately, it is one of the most powerful tools that the enemy uses to dress the one sexually abused in.”

Memories of dealing with my own shame surfaced as I remembered one of the first things that my counselor had taught me about this cycle of shame which produced double-mindedness. I nodded my head in agreement, sharing with Jesus the memories of blaming and judging myself as a child, believing that I actually held enough power to go back and change what had happened to me.

Suddenly I had an irresistible urge and I had to know: “So why couldn’t I have stopped him from molesting me?” I stopped, knowing I needed to ask another really important question but I kept it to myself.

“This distortion of thoughts is definitely another sharp tool of the enemy and unfortunately the answer is not so simple.”

I agree with Him wholeheartedly and because of its complexity, we’ll stop right there but please join me on Monday as we explore this profound question and receive some truthful answers, answers that I pray will shed light into your closet.

With less junk in my closet,

Evinda

 

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One Response to “He’s a Housekeeper, Too? Cleaning the Closet-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Norman Tynio says:

    Great post.