Loving the Unlovable-Step 4 from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

EL pen Logo with heartThank you for joining me for another Coffee Hour and into these ten steps to loving those unlovable/difficult people in your life. We are now up to Step 4, almost halfway through! Congratulations to you for sticking with it. He is smiling at your progress. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Before I forget, for those of you reading this who know my adopted mom, Pat, would you please send her a happy birthday! What an amazingly loving woman God placed in my life all those years ago, the first person to ever show me unconditional love. I love you, Mom, and pray the memories we create celebrating your day make you smile from the inside out!

When I first wrote this series, I was literally walking through them as I wrote them. Please know that I am again walking through them with you, challenging myself before I challenge you to be Christ-inspired to love those unlovable and/or difficult people. The truth that there will always be relational challenges necessitates these ten steps. If you are having a hard time relating because of a lack of unlovable and/or difficult people in your world, perhaps a place to start for you would be to check if your emotional gauge is working. What I mean is if you tend not to get emotionally involved, nine times out of ten, the reason for that goes way back to how you were loved as a child, also known as the attachment theory (Milan & Kay Yerkovitch, How We Love).

Understanding that emotions are need-driven and need dictates behavior is a Loving the Unlovable CD/Workbookhuge piece to this puzzle of learning how to love those unlovable/difficult people in our life! Paying attention to emotions/feelings is analogous to watching for signals and signs on the dashboard of your car. When the “check engine” light comes on, do you ignore it? Hopefully you don’t or you won’t have a drivable car for long. 🙂 But why is it we tend to blow right past the signals – the feelings/emotions — on the dashboard of our minds? Maybe those on your list are unlovable and/or difficult because they are not in touch with their feelings, or you may not be in touch with yours?

Wow, another truth just splashed me in the face with reality: When we practice these ten steps for each of our unlovable people in our life, on our list, it’s like a tune-up for the heart; a way of keeping that emotional trunk free of junk that can sneak back in if we are not progressing in our process. Okay, let’s move to Step 4!

I remember when Step 4 came alive. It was like a firework that came to life right in front of me, bringing me to an abrupt halt yet causing me to stand back because I was too close. The ironic thing is I was out for a run and almost to the end of it when this revelation came charging through me and exploded, literally bringing me to an abrupt stop so I could admire it internally. I hope and pray that this step will illuminate understanding in your heart and mind, igniting you to be encouraged as you learn to love those unlovable/difficult people in your life.

Step 4: Go back up to the first person on your list and look at the adjectives you used to describe why they are difficult or unlovable. Really think on those adjectives and then ask yourself this: “Are there times when I am …?” This takes some honest reflecting, so I’m going to put myself out there and go back to the adjectives I used as an example for the person now first on my list. They were loud, angry and bossy. So here’s the huge revelation: Yes, I have been loud! As a matter of fact, my marriage has revealed that I can get really loud, unnecessarily! Have I ever been angry? Oh, most definitely. Again, the mirror of marriage is looking me in the face. And have I been bossy? Oh, the image I see is one of a bull in a china cabinet when I’m behaving like this. So could it be that I like this person less when I am “behaving” just like her?

Ouch! I know for me, that was a stinger! Now do you see why this was like a firework that went off right in front of me, bringing me to a dead stop in the midst of my run?

Talk about a huge piece of humble pie. 🙂

Oh how I need to commit this step to memory and pray that it would come to the forefront of my heart the next time I see her. I have come so far since writing this series the first time and yet, there is always room for growth. What about you; did you see yourself in any of those three adjectives that you used to describe your first unlovable /difficult person on your list? Be honest, and remember, it is okay. He loves us despite us, right where we are. Go ahead and journal your answers.

Cheering for you,


2014 HeadshotP.S. Happy birthday to my oldest niece, Keri-Lyn, and to a long-time friend, Susan Henning! May your day be filled with sweet moments.

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