Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

EL pen Logo with heart

Thanks for joining me today for a little coffee break and more of this true life-changing story that has rendered me completely different than when we first began, than the first time I ever held this precious boy. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Friend let me just say that it’s not for me to share what he did. But what is for me to share is what I did with this news of his choice that could change all of our lives for a very long time, not just his own, but his little boy’s as well as ours. What he did is part of his testimony that only he and God can write; how I respond to it can either add beautifully-colored ink to his testimony or colors that make it more painful. But what I learn from it and how I respond also becomes part of my testimony, my witness of my faith in a redeeming God who can make beauty from junk, joy from pain and sorrow.

All I knew in that moment is I didn’t want to make things worse, but how in the world was I going to avoid that considering I didn’t want him to come home, especially under these circumstances. And the other fear that came screaming, crashing with the truth was how in the world was this going to affect our marriage?

I hung up the phone and George and I stared at each other. I was reeling with the truth of trial by fire and I said as much to George. My eyes filled up as I said, “It wasn’t three hours ago that I said I would quit complaining.” I shook my head in disbelief but there was this sense of strength that I just knew had to be divinely instilled. I ruminated on Romans 8:28, repeating to myself, all things, all things. And Jeremiah 29:11-13 came to dance in my head too, reminding me that His plans were not to harm me, but to refine me, make me more like Him.

Lighter moments

Lighter moments

I repeated these promises to George, who looked as though he was losing air fast. His countenance was low and his shoulders drooped in defeat. It’s in moments like this that a marriage is truly tested, a marital love stretched, a covenant kept, or broken. I went and stood right in front of him, silently begging him to hold me.

He heard my thoughts and he wrapped me in his arms. I let myself stay there, trying to draw strength from him, his love and our love for each other. All I wanted to do was run away with him and pretend we didn’t get the phone call we just got. His words brought me out of my wishful thoughts: “I don’t’ know if I can do this for another year!”

Those words rendered me not only speechless, but they humbled me as I realized the depth of what he had just said. He had just expressed something incredibly revealing, and it was wrapped up in honest vulnerability. The way he slumped into me proved that what he had just let out were words that he had been holding back for a very long time.

As I held on to him as if for life, another realization collided with a revelation: He had been holding on to his own struggle so he could be strong for me. I wasn’t the only one who had been struggling through this season; so had he. I can’t even begin to explain to you how his admitting this freed me, caused me to love him more as I realized that all this time, he’d been holding his feelings in because of his selfless love for me. But in reality, my struggle had become his and now knowing the season would most likely be extended was just too much for him to think about.

In that moment, as all these truths collided and we held each other, we both wept unaware of anyone else but us.

Join me Monday for more.

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds!

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