Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for stopping by today at Chicklit Power for your coffee break. As I tell Bryden, and he often reminds me, it’s a new day! Grab your coffee and come on in.

So I’m still on my soapbox about the grandparent thing, but hang in there and I’ll get to the reason why, which has everything to do with Bry! But another question is stirring in my heart that started to mix me up but good about this point in the story: What if the grandparent(s) had never really been parented or an even more insightful question: how were the grandparents parented?

The reason I ask this is at this point in the season, Steve and I were beginning a new segment on our Blog Talk Radio show which deals with the most viral of relationship infections: Co-dependency. Ugh, the very word makes me cringe, but not like it did in the very beginning. There I was, very confidently beginning the show with Steve thinking I was walking in victory in this area. Imagine my dismay when I discovered I was still so virally infected! Oh, I am a sinner in need of a Savior; in other words, I am in need of intravenous antibiotics 24/7!

But back to Bryden and that question that I must reconcile in the midst of this season filled with invaluable lessons for me to learn. See, when Bryden comes home from his grandparents on his mother’s side, it is so obvious that he’s had no parenting whatsoever. And I don’t say that to be disrespectful, nor to stir up anger. Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the walls of their home but without that talent, I still would just be willing to bet that I am correct in this because of the attitude adjustment required when he comes home.

oh, to b inside that little mind!

oh, to b inside that little mind!

Whew, I remember in the beginning, when he was going over there more, it used to take as long as a day or two of consistent adjustments! But where we are in this true story, the first visit after the guardianship finalization, I smile with relief as I write that there has been a little bit of change.

Because of what we are experiencing right here and now, no one will ever be able to convince me that children don’t act out what they are internalizing and that they are invincible and emotionally protected from all the bad choices of their parents. Yes, this experience allows me to claim otherwise.

Oh, my, as I am writing this for you, I just got a glimpse of my own emotional struggles as a child that I didn’t even realize I was battling with at the time but the battle always began every time I knew my mom was coming to visit. My foster parents used to say I had a personality change – yikes, that’s scary – for the week preceding her visit.

Well, that must be why we never say anything to Bryden until the night before. And it most certainly explains his aggressive and near-angry behavior he displays every time he comes home from a two-night visit with his bio-mom and her parents, his grandparents. It used to bewilder and frustrate us, but understanding has gone a long way in helping us to mentally prepare to do the adjusting necessary, and sometimes that adjustment came in the form of a little swat to the butt, aka a little tough love, because in the long run, we know we are serving him better by making the adjustments necessary, not for our benefit, but for his.

I am looking forward to sharing Faith-Filled Fridays with you. Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds.

Reveling in Revelations,

Evinda

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One Response to “Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Dawn says:

    Good morning My Friend…………..to be honest, this doesn’t just happen in children. Though going thru the emotional struggle of a divided family does cause behavior changes, it can happen in adults too. When you know you will be seeing someone who isn’t one of your most lovable people, do you not tweak your personality to alter a better result? i know i do……..this poor little fella is like a child of divorce—one set of rules at each house and then he is supposed to remember them?!?!? Come on, really?! That’s asking a lot for a three year old!!!
    Thanks for sharing your life with Bryden with us……………
    Love you
    dawn