Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

EL pen Logo with heart

Thanks so much for joining me today for Coffee Hour and more of Nana Holds. If you’ve never read this blog before, go ahead and check out the archives because this is a true life-changing story/blog that began last year and the process of transformation is its theme. Oh, how beautiful is the reality of the necessity of the love and grace of Christ! Grab your coffee and come on in.

Before I share the thought-provoking statement that Steve put before me, let me share where I was at emotionally. I’m a week or so away from our next event; just coming off of steroids and still in MENOPAUSE! Need I say anymore? All right; so I’ll explain some inside stuff.

Have you ever had those times where you just needed to get some answers from someone you know that you know will be honest? This was one of those times. There were many circumstances that He was orchestrating in order to bring painful revelations right smack in front of my face, things that I had to confront, questions I had to ask and seek answers for. Steve was my go-to person, a man after God’s heart and Christ-like in so many ways.

It was before we went on the air for our Blog Talk Radio show that he and I do every Monday. Since November, we have been talking about co-dependency, which is the relationship-killing disease, sharing how it starts, its symptoms, and eventually we knew we would get to and through the breaking-free process. By this time, I was sharing real-life examples of opportunities to practice what I was learning so I would share them on the air. In no way was this to bash anyone else, but to share my transformation process so others would be encouraged in their process.

Well, as I said it was before we went on the air and I was sharing with him that I was confident about little and confused about much. I was in desperate need of an assistant for CPM, court-reporting less, and sensing changes around the corner. I was completely overwhelmed with life, feeling like I was in over my head. Could it be that that is when we have a hard time seeing the answer right in front of us? Oh, how much easier to see it when we are out of it, past it.

And then Steve said something that I so didn’t understand then but I do now: “I don’t think you have completely accepted the Bryden piece. You’re still trying to fit him in!” Well, his words rendered me speechless. He went on to admit that he didn’t think he could do what George and I had agreed to do, take full responsibility at our age and set aside our own agendas. Even though he empathized with the difficulty of it all, I was still stuck on his profound statement, the one that brought with it too many unasked questions because of its ambiguity.

Jesus loves him to pieces!

Jesus loves him to pieces!

The one truth I did pick up almost instantaneously was that I was missing something, like reaching out my arm in the dark, knowing I was supposed to catch something, grab a hold of something, but as soon as I would touch what I thought it might be, it would slip out of my reach. Its mystery continued to haunt me.

After the show, the questions came back through the corridor of my mind, knocking on the door of my heart. I wondered if these questions and their answers were to free me or confuse me. The only way I would know is to keep going forward, seeking Him for clarity found in integrity, an undivided heart. That is evidenced in this journal entry, just days before our event and Bryden’s third birthday:

Oh, Father, that I would allow You to help me make the changes that are coming. Help me hear You. Fill my bones with Your Joy; revive them. Show me what I need to set aside so I can come face to face with more of my symptoms of co-dependency, especially the truth that I’ve been squishing and pushing my needs down for so many years that I’ve come to survive instead of thrive. Thank you for bringing this little boy into my life to teach me how to love and be loved.”

Whew, that was a big piece, but there are still many to pick up and look at! Join me Thursday for more of Nana Holds.

Breaking free from me,

Evinda

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds!

 

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