Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

EL pen Logo with heartThanks for stopping by for Tuesday’s Trench Lesson with Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power! Grab your coffee, your Strand of Faith, and your journal too. The last couple of weeks have been full of lots of opportunities for me to put into practice what I am teaching in the trenches. Let’s go jump in the trench to talk about a very important relational issue that is sure to bring you more peace while rising above the conflict.

How many of us can say we’ve NEVER been hurt? All of us have been hurt at one time or another. It’s what we do when we are hurt that differentiates us from victim or victor. Do we strike back like a snake loaded with venom, or do we step back and take a look at all of the signals flashing on the emotional dashboard?  When the “check engine” light comes on in your car’s dashboard, what do you do? I hope you check it out or at least have it looked at. I’ve been known to ignore my dashboard lights, only to run into problems later that could have been avoided. The exact same principle applies emotionally: When we don’t pay attention to the emotional dashboard, we will have a crash, cause a crash or both!

I’m learning all the time about myself through the gift of others. I know in my gut, down to my toes and back up, that’s His intention for relationships, to teach us about us.

Let’s get back to my other question about what is it we do when we are hurt. Well, I’ve had a LOT of practice in this area, and as a matter of fact, very recently. When the initial “hurting” happened, I spent some time journaling about it. I was desperately trying to reason in my heart and mind the how and why of it all, and then I began to pray.  Of course I prayed that my heart wouldn’t become bitter, that I would share my hurt in a loving way…yada, yada, yada, all that stuff we should do instead of striking back. But the pain wouldn’t go away; I needed answers.

So I asked Him, and He spoke to me in a way that I would understand, using the exact same words I ask my Transformers: “What is it you are feeling?’

Two words came gushing out of me, without any brakes: “LEFT OUT”!

He asked me another question: “Have you ever felt left out as a child?”

Suddenly the past was colliding with the present moment, mixing with all the questions from the emotional pain of it all. Jesus was asking me to look my pain in the face!

“Of course I have! Not only yes, but heck yes.”  Memories of my years in a foster home came tumbling forth: memories of not being good enough to be adopted by foster parents who kept dangling that carrot in front of me, saying if you’re good enough, we’ll adopt you, and them excluding me out of activities they did with their biological kids, and on and on. I don’t intend on glorifying the enemy in any way shape or form, but oh my goodness did that bring clarity!  Let me explain what I mean:

Many times in our pain, something from the past is colliding with the present…and putting the pain on steroids!

When we make the time to take the time to really examine our pain, stare it in the face and ask those two questions, we rise above the conflict and are able to maneuver through it without becoming part of the problem while adding to the solution! See, pain can be one of the greatest Professors to ever speak into our lives!  And I do not mean this in any sort of sadistic way at all.

Oh, and as far as the incident that sent me to my knees crying out for understanding, God heard my cry, honored my willingness to let the pain be a teacher, and I can honestly say, He continues to be my pain reliever, working things out for my good, their good and His glory!

Who or what is your pain reliever when someone causes you pain?

Join me tomorrow for the conclusion to 7 Differences between Guilt and Shame…


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