Oh, coffee hour friend, are you in for a sweet, transparent Trench Tuesday! Grab your favorite beverage and a journal and join us for Lea’s Trench lesson!
I am in the trenches, digging at all my roots that cause my wounds, weaknesses, and worries. It is quite a journey! I began about two years ago, but I was not ready. I did not soften my heart. I did not turn over my weaknesses to the Lord for Him to turn into strengths. In 2nd Corinthians 12:9, it says: “And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I glory rather in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
His grace is sufficient to make me strong. I just had to let go of my control, or illusion of control, and let Him lead me. I have to tell you, that it is so freeing! Of course I am not free every minute, or even every day. I do forget that I am not in control, and try to just take over. But He knows how to humble me, and gently remind me that I can relax.
During this process of uprooting, I have really looked at the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. I feel like there are parts that I am not ready to see. Then there are parts that I don’t want to see, but Heavenly Father knows it is time, and I can take it. He knows when I am a “big girl.” He also has helped me to see ways in which the adversary has tricked me. In the scriptures, we are told many times about how crafty the devil is, and how he will try to turn things around and lie to us. I came across 2nd Corinthians 11:14, which says “No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
I was touched by this scripture this week. I had been contemplating my past, and happened across some old pictures of someone who had hurt me almost 20 years ago. For two decades, I have been struggling with a horrible painful memory. I even saw this man about a year ago in a store, and had a panic attack! When I saw those pictures, and then read that scripture, the Lord sent me a message that hit me like a TRUCK. This man did not hurt me. I chose to participate in a situation that I was not proud of. Somehow, in my brain, Satan had turned this memory into a falsehood, where I was now the victim instead of the perpetrator. That “truth” took hold of me so much, that I truly believed it. Instead of facing my shame and asking for forgiveness for this act, I had been hiding behind it.
What do I do with this information now? I immediately prayed to know what really happened. Then, I truly did ask for forgiveness, not only for the act, but for living so long with it still in my soul. Then, I called the few people that I had told this story to, and corrected myself. I let them know that I had deceived myself, and let them know of my wrongdoing. I had already given it to God, so I had no fear of them judging me. If they have judgment in their heart, it is something they will have to live with. I truly am sorry for this, but I know the Lord has forgiven me, and I am free. He will remember it no more.
I think that I will choose to remember this, but not shamefully. I will remember, so that I can share my experience with others. We are here to help each other, and to be a stepping stone to God and Jesus. I ask you now, if you are struggling with a wound, weakness, or worry, do not hold onto it. Let it go. Give it to the Lord, and then share it with someone. You never know how or when your experiences will touch another.
Until next week, God bless you!