Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me for a little coffee break @ Chicklit Power. I know it’s not always easy to turn the distractions off and settle in for a cup of hope, so thanks for doing just that. Grab your coffee and come on in.

As I said, we are a few months into this life change and yet reading some of my journal entries from that time period, it feels in some cases like yesterday, and in others, like years. The depth of emotion I experienced and wrote about was enough to drown a bull, and my frustrations reminded me of the bull in a china cabinet picture that I see in myself at my worst moments! Oh, how I wish there hadn’t been so much internal conflict turned external, but that’s part of the beauty of this whole series, this entire season: In my weakness, His strength is made perfect.

The crazy thing is I didn’t really think I had any major emotional layers left to be peeled back, layers that would reveal something else that required healing, that is until about April, four months after this life change of Bryden coming to live with us. I mean there were obvious reasons for my frustration, and yet, I couldn’t put my finger on just why I was having such a difficult time, at least not then. There are entries in my journal that scream with frustration over my inability to break free from enabling, aka, to politely say ouch when I feel as though someone is stomping on my emotional feet.Day three in his new home with his new toy, Amos!

Suffice it to say that because of my history, I tend to lean toward some co-dependent behaviors. Oh, yes, there are no accidents in God’s sovereignty! His timing is HIS timing, perfect to accomplish so much more than we could imagine!

As if overnight, though it crept in slyly and slowly like a snake, our house went from a peaceful and fun dwelling place to a place of conflict and confusion, and it wasn’t Bryden’s fault by any means; it was ours. Without waving our dirty laundry in the air, let me just say that we still had not worked out many of the kinks that a situation like this can cause so not only did I feel as though my emotional feet were being stomped on and no one cared, but my air hose to my soul was in knots caused by the kinks that had not been dealt with beforehand.

Looking back on it now, I can honestly smile, albeit with much humility, as I see that one of the persons who needed to change was, and continues to be, me and my journal reveals the truth in my heart: that I am desperate to get this right; to love as He is calling me to love while He works through the circumstances and in the people involved.

Join me tomorrow for more of Nana Holds

Evinda

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