Nana Holds – From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour!

Thanks so much for taking the time for a little break with me today. I hope you know how much I enjoy spending this time with you and sharing my heart in the hopes that my heart speaks to yours. Grab your coffee and come on in. Let’s get back to where we left off, which was putting stuff away and moving little Bryden into his new home, our home.

As I try and recall how I was feeling in the midst of all this chaos, I returned to my journal, so today, I’d like to share January 2nd’s entry with you to give you a pretty clear picture of my heart, sort of set the stage for this new relationship and responsibility.

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“Father, thank you for all I got done, for Suzanne’s help and George’s help. It was a good day and I did good covering my mouth and slipped only a couple of times” – I had started a word fast on the 1st! – “but when we were working in the room and Bryce complained about us ‘being on him,’ I asked him, ‘Why is wanting to be clean and organized on you?’ He honestly thought he had left his room clean because he had picked up the dirty clothes off the floor but the room had NEVER been dusted; there was gum on the headboard, stuff on the floor. Both his dad and I explained that his room was dirty and then I spoke up, keeping a tight leash on my frustration, ‘Bryce, you didn’t do anything to prepare for Bryden coming so I busted my butt for two days in this room . . . Oh, how I need to learn to communicate with him without emotion for he is frightened of emotion.

“So, this morning after the fact, it sets in, the reality of a 23-month-old and I am not happy. All I can see are changes I’m gonna have to make and I am almost bitter. I don’t want him here for all these reasons of change, all of the things that it feels like I don’t get to do or have to fight to do – writing, Chickilt Power Ministry stuff. Besides, grandchildren are to love and spoil and then send home, right? Not! Oh, Father, change my heart for I am in a bad way. I don’t want to do this but You have ordained something different and more than not wanting to do this is the truth that I don’t want to fail or displease You. So help me keep my focus on you and not this mess. Change my heart and cover my mouth. Does this mean You don’t want me to write anymore? Show me.”

Well, so there you have it, the honest truth. I’ll pick up with this series and reveal how I struggle through it victoriously, but tomorrow is our WOW, so please come back for that!Day three in his new home with his new toy, Amos!

Transparently,

Evinda

 

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One Response to “Nana Holds – From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Jan Bachelor says:

    I can’t wait to hear the victorious part!