You Don’t Have to Have a Valentine to be a Valentine -From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power! Grab your heart and your coffee and come on in. I have a little something to confess to you.

About three or four years into my S.O.S. (season of singleness), I literally dreaded the infamous Valentine’s Day celebration. The day brought with it all kinds of insecurities and I used to really buy into them. Feelings of being an outcast, not wanted, rejected — I mean after all, I had failed at marriage not once, but twice — would loom over me like a wet blanket threatening to stay wrapped around me at  least a week before February 14th and even for a couple of days after. It seemed as though every where I looked, there was a happy couple, or a delivery truck stopping to deliver a beautiful bouquet of flowers to add to my cup of bitter loneliness and resentment. I felt like the only someone without someone. 🙁

Oh, sure, I had a relationship with Abba; in fact, I met with Him every morning, but I wanted a “real” relationship with someone I could see, touch, someone to share life with.

I’m not sure how many years it took me – I confess it was several – but I’m so very thankful that He waited patiently for me to figure out that I didn’t need someone to be someone. He ever so sweetly and gently let me know that He longed to be my most important relationship, i.e., the one whom I allowed to fill that void, what I term as a God-sized hole that’s in every one of us that only He can fill. And until I quit trying to chase others thinking they could fill it, I really wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.

He also knew I didn’t really like myself and in order to love someone else in a way that will withstand the trials of life, we must be comfortable in our own skin. It was by hanging out with Him, allowing Him to begin the unpacking process that I began the long and freeing lesson of learning to see myself as He does and quit adding more junk in my trunk while on the run from myself. By sitting still with Him daily, He made me more comfortable in my own skin. I learned that my identity is not found in a man, or in a job, or in ministry, but it is found in and with Abba Daddy.

The other day, I was talking to a sweet sister who is unemployed right now. She was describing her last job, and how much she liked it, and then she said something that stunned me. “I was even learning to like myself. I was happy.” Her admission brought back my own S.O.S., and my heart hurt for her. It is so easy to slip into that deceptive habit of finding our significance in a relationship, in our jobs, in our kids. It’s such a slippery slope that I’ve spent too much time slipping upon.

I read something recently in my “Courage to Change” book from Al-Anon that goes something like this: By learning to love myself – be someone that I like to be around – I not only pay attention to my own needs, but I am laying a great foundation for loving others. In other words, we don’t have to have a Valentine to be a Valentine. Learning to be a Valentine – looking for ways to express love to family, friends, even strangers – is the best way to prepare to have a Valentine! And for those of you in your S.O.S. right now, remember, there is no such thing as a perfect person, but there is a person perfect for you 🙂

His Valentine,


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3 Responses to “You Don’t Have to Have a Valentine to be a Valentine -From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power”

  1. Marianne says:

    Once again you’ve hit the nail on the head!! This message should get out to people everywhere today!! Keep up the good work…keep those God thoughts coming!

  2. Dion says:

    Hi I stumbled on your site by mistake when i was searching Yahoo for this subject, I must point out your blog is actually helpful I also really like the design, its good!

  3. Leigh says:

    Amen, sister! I looking forward to meeting him, but in the meantime, I am daily meeting with Him! He is our maker & therefore, the ultimate Matchmaker. 😉 Hugs!!!