Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

Faith Filled Fridays From Croley’s Corner of Chicklit Power

Friday, July 10th, 2015
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

“For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.”  Romans 14:18

Godly living is characterized by living a life pleasing to God, although there are times when we worry about pleasing man, instead of pleasing Him.

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour. Today’s topic used to hit home many years ago and sometimes….just sometimes, it tries to raise its head, so grab your coffee, journal and your heart and see what He has for us today!

I recognized a long time ago one of my character flaws has always been trying to please others. This “flaw” goes as far back as a child growing up. I just wanted to be accepted. There were times I would go to great lengths and my actions were contrary to my belief in Christ. Yes, the word “compromise” can sometimes be mistaken for “pleasing people.” The word “no” was not in my vocabulary and during those times I learned some hard and difficult lessons.  Looking back, I can see how I felt inadequate, insecure and was so full of fear, rejection and failure. Yes, if you can believe that! Whatever it was that moved me, I wanted to make sure I never let anyone down….therefore trying to please so many caused a crack in some of my relationships from friends to family! Pleasing others often brought disappointments and dissatisfaction and the sad part for me was I had to live up to a whole different way of expectations…. to “please others!”

A People Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you will ever know. I, for the most part, could never say “no” and most assuredly you can always count on me for a favor.  In fact, I spent a great deal of time doing things for other people. Yet I always walked away feeling empty frustrated and full of regrets…imagine that!

However my insecurities and feeling of inadequacies were only lies from the enemy, and that’s his job; he sometimes does it very well, not to give him any credit.  Therefore let us not fall prey to the lies of the enemy…he only brings disapproval!!!

We’re not going to please everyone and the truth be known, it is almost impossible to please everyone.  What may please people today may displease them tomorrow. We must first please God alone for He is who examines our hearts, our motives and our deepest thoughts. All of our motives are constantly without a veil for the sake of the cross and it’s in that, that it’s gaining others for the Kingdom. Now that’s what you call everlasting “Pleasing God!” Oh what a valuable lesson learned.

Pleasing God always brings fullness of joy, blessings, wisdom, peace, comfort, strength, it grows our faith…which turns to hope and with that hope it brings confidence. Be assured that when we speak to others or do for others we’re not after crowd-pleasing approval….but God-praising approval. For we speak as messengers from God, But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts.” 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Paul reminds us…” that you (and I) may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;” Colossians 1:10.

I no longer worry or fret about pleasing man and my insecurities are no longer valid. I’ve been set free to please…please Him in all that I do and of course, say!!

Until next week… and remember to keep Him close to your heart!

Debbie Croley PicLove, Deb

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thursday, July 18th, 2013
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

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Thanks for stopping by Coffee Hour @ Chicklitpower. I’m so glad you’re here. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to Revival for Relationships and Bryden’s 3rd birthday!

Oh, how relevant are the things I’ve learned this past year and a half, about myself, Bryden, children in general and the value of relationships. Every one of us is born with a God-sized hole and each of us has the same basic needs: Need for acceptance, security & hope.

Our parents were the representatives for that God-sized hole and if they did not fulfill their role, then how do we allow Him to fulfill that or anyone else? When the needs of acceptance, security and hope are not met, life turns into a mission, a mission of control in search for preservation, protection and sustenance, and if trust has been broken, then we come to trust only that which we can control.

Control in and of itself is a delusion and the less I hang on to it, the more in control I am! I shared about my failed relationships and how I was finally realizing what had destroyed them: what I’ve come to call “the relationship infection.” Every new relationship was a quest, a search for acceptance, security and hope, and if I ever felt that slipping, which happened all the time, I tried to hang on to it even more by trying to control in whatever way I could.

Now I must confess that as I stood before the crowd, I was focused on what I had learned up to that point about myself and had not quite made the connection like I have at this point in the journey, today. But as I wrote that last paragraph, the little face I keep seeing is Bryden and suddenly it clicks: He and I have so much in common, and that’s not to bash his parents or mine. All parties involved were/are working with what they were given in their early years and so the cycle begins. But what I know that I know that I now know by and through experience, and with the help of an amazing book, How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovitch, that these things can be unlearned, a new imprint created. It’s never too late for God.

What a beautiful privilege to be granted: to be part of little Bryden’s framework, and the nurturing, fulfilling his need for acceptance, security and hope. What child doesn’t deserve that? Just because I didn’t get it doesn’t mean I am incapable of giving it. That is the brand new truth that I was just beginning to recognize on Bryden’t third birthday as I stood before the crowd present at our Revival for Relationships workshop!

Join me tomorrow for more,

In His transforming love,

Evinda

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds!

 

Wednesday’s Word-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

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Thanks so much for joining me for a coffee break and Wednesday’s Word. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So this week in the Nana Holds series, I am talking about the need of acceptance, security and hope. Oh, how I love how and what He is teaching me about these needs and how we tend to try and get them fulfilled. That is where this power thought comes from, and yet, it also relates to something that happens later on in this series.

True acceptance never comes from compromising our convictions.

 

Oh, friend, how great it is to know that He truly accepts us right where we are!

Have an amazing Wednesday,

Evinda

kim L

 

Wednesday’s Word From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

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Thanks so much for joining me today for a little coffee break at Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power, and for our Wednesday’s Word. Grab your coffee and come on in.

One of the toughest things about breaking free from the relationship infection, aka, co-dependency, is the need for acceptance. This need can keep us trapped unknowingly in dysfunctional ways of communicating. Trust me; I know because my unleashing process is still happening.

Now because of all I am learning coupled with His grace, I am learning to avoid the danger of unrealistic expectations by not expecting others to know my needs without me speaking them.

A need unspoken creates an unrealistic expectation.

And unrealistic expectations create a crazy cycle of tension. Oh the freedom that comes when we express what we need and do so without an attitude! It’s challenging, but vital and possible!

What are some needs that continue to go unspoken in your most significant relationship?

Thoughtfully,

Evinda

kim L

The Search for Acceptance-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thursday, June 6th, 2013

                                                                                                                                    EL pen Logo with heart     

                                                                 The Search for Acceptance

 

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for a little break away from it all, a sort of Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Have you ever been around a group of people and wished you fit in with them, shared some of their secrets that they aren’t talking about because you’re there? Have you ever wanted to belong so bad that you isolated because of the hopelessness that not belonging can bring? More and more I am hearing of people losing their way all in search of acceptance. High school students are turning to drugs and sexual exploitation as a means to acceptance. Marriages are falling apart because of the lack of love and acceptance. I pray that these words lift that dark cloud and illuminate the truth; that the One who has already accepted you is waiting for your acceptance!

Come with me to a place called the Garden of Gethsemane. [Gethsemane is actually two Hebrew words: Gat, which means a winepress, and Shamnin, plural of Shemen, which means oil. There is so much symbolism here, but the condensed version is that oil represents the presence of His Spirit and Gethsemane is the “place where olive oil — His presence — is pressed.”] It’s an old, old garden but not full of flowers, as the word “garden” can sometimes paint in our imagination. But there are lots and lots of olive trees and a sort of winding walkway. It was in this garden so long ago that Christ contemplated and agonized over our acceptance and He determined it once and for all.

Oh, who do we have here? To the right of us is a group of men, it looks to be about eight of them, I think. I recognize them as some of Jesus’ disciples. Oh, and just a stone’s throw from them across the walkway are three other men. Do you see them? That’s Peter, and James and John, three more of His disciples. I can’t really see what they are doing but it looks like they are huddled together pretty close. Everyone looks so sad.

I hear someone crying and talking. Where is that sound coming from? Look! It is Jesus and He is on His face right now. Shhh, I want to hear what He’s saying. “O’ My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” I wonder what He means by – Uh-oh, He’s looking up right now and He looks so sad, like he’s oozing with exceeding sorrow. His sweat looks like drops of blood. Wow, I can’t even imagine the intensity of His sorrow, let alone praying like that.

Oh, He’s getting up right now. Where’s He going? Oh, He’s walking over to His disciples who are all — no they are not sleeping! Jesus doesn’t look angry but he does look anguished. He’s telling them something. I want to hear what it is. “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.” Hmmm, I wonder why He’s telling them these things.

Where’s He going? He’s going back to where He was when we first got here. He’s praying again. Why is He saying the same thing? What cup is He talking about that he is asking to pass by Him?

If you look back at the disciples, they are asleep again! What in the world is going on here? Why are their eyes so heavy? This place is so sad, so overwhelmingly ominous. What is all the commotion? Who are all those soldiers? What in the world . . . Why are they arresting Jesus?

That was just the beginning of true acceptance for you and me. To go into more detail would take weeks, plus it’s so very much to process for our coffee hour. Let me just finish up with a very simple answer that answers all of those questions. IMG_4810Jesus always knew what His purpose was on this earth, and it was in the Garden of Gethsemane that He felt the severity of it, the cost of it. The realization that He would be separated from His Father for those three days to pay for our acceptance was almost more than He could bear, but He did it and because He did, you and I can have victory in this life and rise above the trials that inevitably come upon us like the waves of an ocean.

See, though we are all born with a desire for acceptance by others, true acceptance does not involve compromising our convictions. True acceptance begins when we accept His gift of accepting us first just because He loves us. So when you’re feeling alone in this world, remember The One who accepted you long ago and agonized over you in the Garden of Gethsemane before enduring what none of us could ever endure is waiting for you to accept Him and His gift of acceptance.

May you rise to the occasion and be blessed by His acceptance,

Evinda

IMG_8444-2 blog

 

Five Ways to Succeed in Life & Love-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for joining me today for a break. I love knowing there’s you to share my heart and my discoveries with. Grab your coffee and come on in. Let’s get back to this first word, the first way to succeed in life and love. 🙂

So to pick up where we left off with this word resolve, whether you believe in the history of Adam and Eve or not, the truth is we were created with a God-sized hole, a need for security, hope and acceptance. The problem is we tend to search for that necessary security, hope and acceptance in earthly things — such as our careers, possessions — and in relationships/people. And honestly, to put that kind of pressure on a person, friend, significant other or spouse, is completely setting ourselves and the relationship up for failure.

My past failures have taught me that very important truth, and maybe that’s why I get so excited talking about this first way to succeed in life and love, to resolve. After two failed marriages, losing my son for years to the streets to feed his addictions, I have come to rely on the help of the Holy Spirit in all my relationships and I know that I know that because of my “partnering with the Holy Spirit,” that I am free from putting those unrealistic expectations on the people that I care about. In other words, my emotional and spiritual well being is no longer dependent upon another person.

Let me see if I can clear up the waters a little bit. I am definitely happily married, and I love knowing there’s George to share life with, and I would be devastated if something happened to him, or us, no doubt, but I wouldn’t be destroyed like I have been in the past by life and love. The freedom lies in the truth that my emotional and spiritual well being are not wrapped up in my husband nor my son, like it once was. See, when the one I was with wasn’t loving me the way I thought I should be loved, my emotional well-being spiraled downward at such a fast pace, that I was broken when I crashed. And my son, whew, if he wasn’t doing okay, well then neither was I because after all, he’s an extension of me, right? WRONG! 🙂

Okay. Let me give you one more definition for this very important word which we need to understand so we can succeed in life and love. The definition for resolve goes on to say: to cause to find a solution to; to decide, determine and/or agree to a specific course of action.

Well, that certainly sounds in line with success in life and love.

Thoughtfully,

Evinda

 

Acceptance comes when we accept who we’ve already been accepted by-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Friday, April 22nd, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for coming by this day that is celebrated as Good Friday, which actually has a lot to do with what we’re going to talk about today, acceptance. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Come with me to a place called the Garden of Gethsemane. [Gethsemane is actually two Hebrew words: Gat, which means a winepress, and Shamnin, plural of Shemen, which means oil. There is so much symbolism here, but the condensed version is that oil represents the presence of His Spirit and Gethsemane is the “place where olive oil — His presence — is pressed.”] It’s an old, old garden but not full of flowers, as the word “garden” can sometimes paint in our imagination. But there are lots and lots of olive trees and a sort of winding walkway. It was in this garden so long ago that our acceptance was contemplated and agonized over and determined once and for all.

Oh, who do we have here? To the right of us is a group of men, it looks to be about eight of them, I think. I recognize them as some of Jesus’ disciples. Oh, and just a stone’s throw from them across the walkway are three other men. Do you see them? That’s Peter, and James and John, three more of His disciples. I can’t really see what they are doing but it looks like they are huddled together pretty close. Everyone looks so sad. 🙁

I hear someone crying and talking. Where is that sound coming from? Look! It is Jesus and He is on His face right now. Shhh, I want to hear what He’s saying. “O’ My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” I wonder what He means by – Uh-oh, He’s looking up right now and He looks so sad, like he’s oozing with exceeding sorrow. His sweat looks like drops of blood. Wow, I can’t even imagine the intensity of His sorrow, let alone praying like that.

Oh, He’s getting up right now. Where’s He going? Oh, He’s walking over to His disciples who are all — no they are not sleeping! Jesus doesn’t look angry but he does look anguished. He’s telling them something. I want to hear what it is. “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.” Hmmm, I wonder why He’s telling them these things.

Where’s He going? He’s going back to where He was when we first got here. He’s praying again. Why is He saying the same thing? What cup is He talking about that he is asking to pass by Him?

If you look back at the disciples, they are asleep again! What in the world is going on here? Why are their eyes so heavy? This place is so sad, so overwhelmingly ominous. What is all the commotion? Who are all those soldiers? What in the world . . . Why are they arresting Jesus?

That was just the beginning of true acceptance for you and me. To go into more detail would take weeks, plus it’s so very much to process for our coffee hour. Let me just finish up with a very simple answer that answers all of those questions. Jesus always knew what His purpose was on this earth, and it was in the Garden of Gethsemane that He felt the severity of it, the cost of it. The realization that He would be separated from His Father for those three days to pay for our acceptance was almost more than He could bear, but He did it and because He did, you and I can have victory in this life and rise above the trials that inevitably come upon us like the waves of an ocean.

See, though we are all born with a desire to be accepted by others, true acceptance does not involve compromising our convictions. True acceptance begins when we accept His gift of accepting us first just because He loves us. So when you’re feeling alone in this world, remember The One who accepted you long ago and agonized over you in the Garden of Gethsemane before enduring what none of us could ever endure is waiting for you to accept Him and His gift of acceptance.

May you rise to the occasion and be blessed . . .

Evinda

 

Tuesday Mornings, Proposition 8-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power, and welcome back to our “Tuesday Mornings, Proposition 8” series. For those of you joining us for the first time, be sure and check out the previous blogs (We’re in our third month so I’m losing count!) so you don’t feel like you’re jumping in on the middle of a conversation. I truly welcome any comments you have on this and remember, no one’s got the gavel, so keep them clean and respectful. This blog isn’t trying to be critical, but to get us all thinking and re-evaluating our own actions and thoughts towards the homosexual. Grab your coffee, an open mind and heart, and come on in.

So last week we talked about the root of homosexuality, or one of them, which is confusion, especially in the area of being born “gay,” and we closed our coffee hour with a powerful truth: There still is no evidence of a “gay” gene and they won’t find one because if there was one, then homosexuality would be decreasing because homosexuals cannot procreate as heterosexuals and therefore they wouldn’t be passing down the gene.

Now I know it’s been a long time, actually a very long time since I’ve been a teen, but I still remember the feelings of being like a fish out of water, flopping around trying to find that pool of love and acceptance. It’s a horrible but real feeling and so today, I just want us to validate the truth: we have billions of teens flopping around out there looking for the safety and comfort of a pool of acceptance and love. And if they don’t find that pool now, they will wind up in quicksand, and their return will be slow and painful.

Many of them don’t understand why they feel what they feel. All they know is there is a hole and for countless reasons, to many to get into during our coffee hour this morning, they almost instinctively move to fill it, not really measuring with what or how.

There are many who just get sucked in by mere deception, and then their confusion starts, but for many, not all, but many, there is usually a reason for this confusion that drives their need.

My own confusion was rooted way, way back into my early childhood, and the more I tried to satisfy my confusion and fill my emptiness caused by several things, the emptier I became. The bummer was that almost everything I tried had not-so-positive effects that led me to my next mistake.

I have some words from Abba for our precious teens, and next week, we’ll look a little deeper into some causes for the confusing turn down the path of homosexuality.

My precious teen, you may not know me

but I know all there is to know about you

Even though I’m not someone that you can see

I watch over you from above and all that you do

I see you searching in all the wrong places

For love and acceptance, to just belong

You hide behind so many other faces

Pretending to be happy while feeling all wrong

Oh, if you would accept the plans I have for you

To build you up and help you prosper

Not to harm you, no, that’s not what I’ll do

I long to reconcile you to our Heavenly Father

You are not a mistake, nor were you born to be gay

Despite what everyone’s telling you

But I have for you a much better way

To have love and acceptance in all that you do

If you talk with me, I’ll be able to guide you

And I will be your encourager, your friend

This relationship will always take two,

My love will shelter you always; it has no end

Don’t base my reality on things you can see

Just please come and talk with me every day

Our relationship is what will set you free

Don’t follow the others as they go the wrong way

Share your struggles, your fears and dreams

Trust when my answer may be to wait

Even when I’m absent so it seems

My answer will never be too late

And soon you will come to know my ways

And they are definitely not of this place

My spirit will guide you through this maze

This dance called life till we’re face to face

I love you, my precious teen…

Dad

Have an amazing day, and for those of you who have a teen in your life, reach out and hug them, even if they pretend not to like it!

Evinda

Tuesday Mornings, Proposition 8 From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power, and welcome back to our “Tuesday Mornings, Proposition 8” series. For those of you joining us for the first time, be sure and check out the previous blogs (there have been 7 of them) so you don’t feel like you’re jumping in on the middle of a conversation. I truly welcome any comments you have on this and remember, no one’s got the gavel, so keep them clean and respectful. This blog isn’t trying to be critical, but is aimed at getting us all thinking and re-evaluating our own actions. Grab your coffee, an open mind and heart, and come on in.

So almost two weeks ago, the world lost an amazing musician, someone who was known by many as having promising talent, being hard-working and kind. He chose to end his life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River. That’s right, I said chose. Suicide is a choice, despite the surrounding circumstances motivating and mitigating the act. Why did he jump? Well I guess that’s where this debate really begins.

See, many say that he jumped because society wouldn’t accept his sexuality. The gay rights groups say: “Clementi’s suicide makes him a national example of a problem they are increasingly working to combat; young people who kill themselves after being tormented over their sexuality.” Let’s stop right there.

Why is it that we have to make this a gay rights issue? Why is the reason for his choosing death over life blamed on society not accepting his being gay? Let’s get to another truth. His college roommate, Dhraun Ravi, and Dhraun’s friend Molly Wei, both 18 – OMG, how young and their lives are ruined – did something completely and utterly cruel to Tyler Clementi; they taped him kissing another guy and then posted it Online via a Webcast. (CBS News called it a “sexual encounter”)

Steven Goldstein, chairman of Garden State Equality, called this a hate crime and I have to say I agree. It was nothing short of heinous and I agree with yet another comment made by a fellow student of Tylers which said that had Tyler been making out with a woman, this would not have happened. So on that side of it, I get it and this is the kind of behavior that I despise and what actually got this blog started. No one has a right to make fun of someone over their sexuality. In fact, I sincerely hope that these two people are prosecuted for what they did and that they most definitely heed the warning given by a former federal prosecutor: “You don’t know the feelings of the people on the receiving end of that,” he said. “You can’t possibly know. There might be some people who could take that type of treatment and deal with it, and there might be others, as this young man obviously was, who are much more greatly affected by it.”

There’s one thing my mom used to tell me over and over again: Two wrongs don’t make a right. That, my friends, is exactly what we have here, and it’s turning into a viscous cycle of blame that has no end. Unfortunately, young people committing suicide after being harassed about their sexuality is becoming a tragic phenomenon. The number is staggering. The more it happens, the more fire it gives the gay rights movement so it can force its beliefs into our schools, homes, social activities, giving it the heading of normal despite the damage it has caused.

Again, the dilemma is both sides of the scale believe they are right. How do we hold to our values without devaluing and shaming the other side at the same time? I’m so very sorry for the friends and family of Tyler Clementi, for they have been truly ripped off. Sorry is so pithy a word at times like this and by no means compares to a life. Oh, how I wish it could have gone differently for him; that these two kids who did what they did would have thought of the possible consequences, and loved him despite his choice of sexuality.

I would like to offer this final thought on this, in honor of someone who appears to have been a special young man with so much life ahead of him, might he have struggled with his sexuality because of his conscience and/or his need to belong and be loved and accepted?

Again, I do welcome your thoughts. Remember, I write from facts/history, my heart and experience, not with a gavel in one hand.

Blessings

Evinda