Posts Tagged ‘kayak’

Coffee in Kauai From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thursday, September 13th, 2012

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me for some more Kauai moments. I hope you enjoy the little break we take together today. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Friday morning was almost a mirror image of the morning before. I could barely get out of bed, and I definitely could not stand up straight. Frustration banged on the door of my heart and I opened it just a crack, and began crying inwardly and outwardly. Why oh why did my back have to go out while on vacation? The pain was excruciating as I hobbled out to the front room to stretch out ever so slowly on the carpet, searching for some sense of relief. At that point, I was desperate and would settle for any bit of relief.

That’s how Rodney and Cheryl found me when they came out. I was about to try and get up when I heard Rodney say, “Go ahead, Cheryl.” Then I felt her bend down beside me and begin to massage my lower back. I know if she could have taken my pain, she would have; that’s just the kind of girl she is. About five minutes later, my back responded to her touch and ceased its spasms, even relaxing somewhat and allowing me to get up ever so slowly and get quasi-comfortable in the chair, reclining my feet up on the coffee table.

That’s where I stayed for a while, reading and journaling. As I read what I wrote, I can’t help but go back there to those intense moments. Let me share it with you: “Funny, I’m in so much pain, I’m trembling. My time here is coming to an end. I am stuck in between panic and calm. I want to do a few more things and yet, I want to be still and capture so much more.

Wow, what a mouthful. Seems that particular sensation, being stuck between panic and calm, has followed me home for sure to teach me how to “be” more than “do”! And yet, how does one do that with a two-and-a-half-year-old? Oh, the beauty of balance.

The guys had talked the day before and made plans for us all to bike ride in the morning and kayak in the afternoon. I was super excited when we talked about it then, and now, hunched over in pain, I didn’t know if I would be able to do it. The bike riding actually sounded good because I thought it would allow me to hunch over naturally and relieve my pain so we headed out to the bike shop across the street, right by the shaved ice booth of which there are now literally hundreds in Kauai!

The bike shop owner was a super nice lady, and she got us all geared up, fitting me with a bike that would allow me to hunch over just a little bit. After talking with her for several minutes, I felt a nudge in my heart to ask her if she liked to read, to which she responded affirmative quite enthusiastically. I shared with her that I was an author and I gave her one of my cards. “When we bring the bikes back, I’ll have a copy of my latest book with me to give to you.”

George takes in the beauty

We went on the same trail we had run and the scenery was every bit as beautiful from a bike. I stopped several times to capture beauty to bring home to you. We rode about ten miles, and even stopped to find seashells. We scored! Cheryl and I were like two people who had found treasure!

By the time we made it back to our bikes, which the guys brought down to us because we had really wandered down quite a ways in our search for shells — I was really hunched over again and my nerve endings in my low back were taking on a personality of their own separate from my desires. When we were almost back to our condo, I pulled alongside George and told him I didn’t think it would be a good idea to kayak. We agreed to encourage Rodney and Cheryl to go and we’d stay behind. I was desperate for some more quiet time on the shoreline, but not before we gave a copy of Back to Single to the bike shop owner.

That mission accomplished, George and I had some lunch while Rodney and Cheryl went back to the condo so Rodney could take a nap. Unbeknownst to us, he was in a substantial amount of pain, too.

The rest of the afternoon, we spent down on our little piece of beach relaxing. The sound of the

Please let me out of here . . .

ocean melted my pain and I was at peace again.

George found a friend; his name, Mr. Crab!

Yes, we had only one more night here, and I would make the most of it, and then tomorrow would be another full day with more sightseeing and exploring before going to the airport for our overnight flight home.

Join me next week for the conclusion of Kauai moments and thanks so much again for allowing me to share these moments and revelations with you.

Transparently,

Evinda

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chickillt Power

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and happy Thanksgiving Eve! This is my favorite time of year and has been for the last several years. I love the change in seasons, but even more than that, I love what it all represents: a time of thankfulness, a time of reflecting and reaching out to give others a reason to be thankful. Well, let’s have another cup of encouragement in this area of fears, shall we? Grab your coffee and come on in.

Janine’s excited voice gently pulled me out of my thoughts. “You did it!” She had such a happy smile on her face and I couldn’t help but smile, too.

I bobbed my head up and down, still staggering from the truth that He had just handed to me through my own experience of facing my fear of the waves. I began to paddle again when George began to complain about the kayak not having a motor. 🙂

My thoughts were colliding into one another: Is this really how others feel when they begin to deal with issues? I went back in my mind to the beginning of my own unpacking process, and I knew the answer within seconds: YES, absolutely, positively, it was a fear. Could this be why I have such a heart to help others face the junk in their trunk and begin the unpacking process? Again, the answer came swiftly: Yes, absodarnlutely yes, without a doubt! Our key scripture on our website came to mind: “You will comfort others with the comfort you’ve been given.

How can I determine how a pair of shoes feel and fit if I don’t walk in them?

By now we had paddled over to the big rock and saw for ourselves where the echoes were coming from. Have you ever seen a sea otter up close? They have such cute faces and the way they get around brings a giggle to my heart. As I watched the sea otters, I took an emotional break from what had just transpired and enjoyed the moments out there in the calm sea, the crashing waves moving to the back of my mind as we sat in our kayaks and talked with Joe & Janine calmly and comfortably.

George and I decided to go in before Joe and Janine and as we paddled the kayak around and headed for shore, this time I rested in my husband’s promises to get me to shore safely!

I have a couple more thoughts on this subject so be sure to keep coming back for your cup of encouragement.

Blessings,

Evinda

P.S. Happy happy birthday to one of my most favorite men in my life, my son! I love you more than life, Jeff! May you feel His love everywhere you go today, in everything you do! I’m so blessed by the gift of you and your life! (most, more!)

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for stopping by and joining me for a cup of encouragement. We are coming to the end of this amazing series on fear, at least I think we are; who knows where He may lead. We’re still out in the ocean and we are still in the kayak, amazingly enough. Grab your coffee and come on in. I can’t wait to share with you the revelation He gave me from going through one of my biggest fears, the ocean waves.

“Honey, are you all right?” George asked from the back.

“I guess so,” I said, still a little breathless and lost in my thoughts. I looked up to see Joe and Janine off to the left of us in the distance. They looked so peaceful, like they were out for a Sunday drive or something on the ocean. I was still reeling from being overwhelmed but not overpowered by the waves and I kept seeing them come at me like ginormous and powerful monsters.

I got into a rhythm of paddling and by now, we are way beyond any swells and it is beautiful out in the middle of the ocean. The scenery is breathtaking as well. Off in the semi-far distance I see a huge rock, and turn my thoughts back inside. The sound of sea otters’ echoes reaches us and beckons me to come out of my thoughts. I smile but return to them.

Suddenly, the revelation cast light in my heart that spread to my mind, and I stopped paddling, not out of anything other than a feeling of being overly dumbfounded. There was such clarity in the symbolism that I will never forget and yearn to give it to you with the same depth, breadth and clarity.

See, the waves that were threatening to overtake me were so much more terrorizing and crippling to me because of the things I had experienced in my life which caused those fears. This is what I kept hearing, the revelation that I will never forget but hope to inspire others with: “That fear you felt when you saw each wave is the same kind of fear that a child of mine feels when they face the things of their past that are crippling them in their present and stealing from their future!”

I’m still staggering with the truth of the reality of His love that helps us conquer our fears. Join me tomorrow for what I hope will be the conclusion.

Fearlessly,

Evinda

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Monday, November 21st, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today. We are going to be returning to the original fear that began this whole series, so grab your coffee and join me in the kayak out in the middle of the ocean, or so it feels like, and we’ve just gone through two waves.

(okay, so we weren’t kayaking in the glaciers, but you get the picture!:) )

I was gasping for air, sputtering water out of my mouth, and trying desperately to get the water out of my eyes so I could see, all while trying to scream, begging not only George but the guy who was directing us right to and through the waves, to get me the heck out of the kayak. I didn’t want to go through with it; I wanted out. George’s reassurances were going over my head, just like the prior two waves had.

“Pu- — le- — ee- — ee- — ase let me out,” I managed to gasp as I turned to face my husband again.

“Turn around” the guy screamed back.

I turned around as I was told to, but begrudgingly. The wave was right at the tip of the kayak. The scream froze in my throat, and I don’t know what was louder; the beat of my heart or the crashing wave that spilled up and over us, nearly knocking me out of the kayak. Suddenly I felt a jerk, and then George’s voice commanded me to begin paddling. The guy had pushed us off into the wave and he was no longer hanging on to us! 🙁

“Left, right; left, right,” he mimicked, trying to sound like a drill sergeant. I was still gasping for air, and though my chest didn’t feel as though there was someone in there playing a bongo drum, I was shaking pretty bad, so bad I couldn’t even speak.

“You’re doing good, honey. Just keep paddling.”

Oh, I would keep paddling all right, but so help me, I wanted to put that paddle somewhere other than in the water! 🙂 I bit my tongue and swallowed the retort I had on my tongue; after all, I had just been spared from drowning and delivered through my fear of the waves, one of my biggest fears ever, and I certainly didn’t want to appear ungrateful!

So yes, I got through it, but the best part is yet to come; the revelation from the fear! Join me tomorrow for more.

Joyfully,

Evinda

P.S. Don’t forget to join us today for Blog Talk Radio at 1:00 Pacific time for more of our Destination? Joyful! show, Unpacking the junk one piece at a time!

 

FEARS are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Monday, November 14th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today for the conclusion – I hope – of “Fears are like . . .” By the time you read this, I’ll probably be on my knees as I prepare to speak to law students who are getting either their master’s or doctorate degree in the field of law from Liberty University in Virginia! That’s right; I’m on the other side of the world from home! Grab your coffee and join me back on the beach, in the kayak and in the water. Oh, and I guess I should remind you that I’m screaming and having a crazy fit! 🙂 🙁 🙂

By now I’m literally hyperventilating at a pretty fast pace, and that slowed only a tiny, tiny bit when I felt George finally get in the darned kayak. I turned to make sure he was in, trying to grab some sort of comfort from his presence. My hyperventilating picked right back up as I heard the guy trying to push us out yell, “Sit up; stay straight. Turn around! Here we go. Begin paddling when –”

I didn’t hear the rest of his sentence because I turned just in time to see the wave coming at me and my scream froze in my throat as the water hit me, all of me and when I could hold my breath no longer, the wave had gone past us and I let out a huge scream of terror. I turned around and started begging George to take me back when the guy shouted, “Here comes another one!”

I was hanging on to the paddle for dear life and turned just in time to get overwhelmed by yet another wave. Everything inside me froze in terror as I waited for it to be gone, and waited some more. It felt like forever, like the water was building a wall around me to take me in. And then it was gone.

“Begin to paddle when I count to three!” The voice boomed from the back of the kayak.

I was gasping for air, shaking and shivering from more than the cold water.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” George assured from right behind me.

One . . . Two . . .”

I lifted my head up just in time to see another wave coming at us.

Whew, I better let you go for now. Come back tomorrow and we’ll get to the revelation, hopefully, as long as I’m not drowning in waves of anxiety at Liberty University! 🙂

Blessings,

Evinda

 

P.S. Could you remember to bow your head in word of prayer for me at 3:30 p.m. Pacific time? It will be 6:30 in Virginia and I’ll be working through more fears as I prepare to speak His message to the law students there!

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power :)

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour at Chicklit Power and thanks for taking time out of your day to join me for more of this true story that has turned into one of the most amazing revelations ever revealed to me, one that I hope to keep alive for a long, long time, especially being involved in a ministry that is dedicated to helping others reach their Destination? Joyful! ™ Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the beach. 🙂

When I returned from talking to the girl, Janine asked me what had happened and I told her. The guy in charge of taking the reservation slip took Joe and Janine’s and they were off walking toward their kayak. George started to walk forward and all I could say was, “I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can.” He continued to walk toward the guy.

I’m not going,” I screamed all three words for emphasis.

He turned around and headed back toward me, and he didn’t look happy. I heard him tell the guy that I was chickening out. He seemed a bit irritated with me but my fear was consuming me so much I didn’t even have the wherewithal to tell him off. When he got within a few feet of me, all I could think of saying was, “What if we tip it over?”

“This was your idea,” he reminded me. “I can’t believe you got us all the way down here and now you don’t want to go.”

By now, tears were threatening to spill over and out of my eyeballs any second and that got him away from himself. He hates to see me cry and if it’s something he can fix, well he’s the man for the job. He began to caress me with his words instead of harass me. “I won’t let anything happen to you, baby.”

I stopped shivering momentarily and he pointed to one of the workers helping a couple get in the kayak and out into the waves. “They’ll help us get over the first couple of waves, honey, see?”

I watched the guy helping the young couple into the kayak. He stood behind the kayak and sort of held onto it as if to stabilize it for them as they got into it and then he held on and gave them a shove out into the wave coming their way. He actually made it look pretty easy.

“See, honey; we won’t tip over,” George assured me.

“All right; I’ll try it. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted it and when George had picked out our kayak, I backed out again. “I just can’t do it,” I nearly screamed.

I don’t know if it was the look on his face or if there was some hand that pushed me from behind, but suddenly I felt myself walking forward and toward him. He grabbed one of the guys who helps people get in and pushes them out and asked him to give us a hand. “I can’t do this,” I repeated, frustrated that he was ignoring me.

“You’re going to be fine. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, now get in the front.” The next several minutes were like a big blob of blur. I got in the front and my whole body began shaking uncontrollably. We were moving and George wasn’t in the kayak and I began screaming like a young terrorized child. “No, I Ca– — cant do th– — this.”

“Calm down” was all I heard from the back.

I strained to turn around but the guy echoed George’s command. “Stay calm and look straight ahead and lean back a bit.” From the front, I was hearing waves, really loud waves; and I was seeing the white o f the waves and they were way too close to me for my comfort.

I screamed again. “ I wa– — WANT OUT, gasp, gasp. Let — gasp, gasp — me — gasp, gasp — OUT. I can’t — gasp, gasp — do THIS.” I was literally gasping for air and I could feel the veins in my neck pulsating but my heart was beating so loud and hard, it felt like my voice and heart were in competition to outdo each other and I didn’t care what veins were popping out or how I looked. I was frightened beyond my wildest imagination, beyond my remembrance of my worst nightmare. This was a different kind of frightened – or was it?

No, it actually wasn’t. I realized that I had felt this same fear when I was out there all those years ago, being tossed to and fro by the strength of the waves, rolling over and over and over until I lost consciousness.

Oh, for sure I was a goner now! I mean there I was screaming like a toddler having a royal fit, only this was way worse because I’m supposed to be acting like an adult and I absolutely did not care who was staring at me. In fact, I never even gave it a thought. As I look back on it now, blogging about it, at least I can sort of giggle at the thought of what I must have looked like to anyone watching out there! 🙂

Strengthened by Him,

Evinda

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today. I love knowing there’s you and that you are taking a break from the demands of your life to come to Coffee Hour. I pray that today will encourage you forward in your journey, and if you have any fears, that the revelation I’m sharing will cast a light of understanding on them and help you face them. Grab your coffee and come on in! 🙂

We managed to walk at least a mile away from all the kayaking and so I tried to allow the sounds of the waves calm my fears. See, that’s what’s crazy about this, because I love to go to the beach and sit. It’s like the greatest anti-anxiety medicine for me. No matter what is going on in my life, in my head, with my heart, I can sit on the beach, look at the waves, listen to them roar, and be inspired, calmed, relieved and I always leave better than when I came. Looking at them is different than being in them!

As we got to the check-in spot to receive our kayaks, I saw a couple walking up and the girl caught my eye. She was shivering and I thought it was from the cold but as she came closer, I saw that she had a golf-ball sized bump on her head and she was beginning to cry. And no one from the kayak place was even aware that she had had a terrible spill, or they were not doing anything about it, anyway. The guy that was with her led her to the little decking that had been built for people to leave their shoes and leaned her against it so he could look at the goose egg that seemed to be growing from where I was standing.

I had to know what had happened. There was no way in h-e double toothpicks that I was going out in a kayak with the high possibility of it tipping over and no one paying attention! No way! No how! Huh-uh! I walked over to the couple and she was still shivering and full-blown tears were crawling down her face. I asked the first thing that came to my mind: “Are you okay?”

Her husband spoke up for her. “She’s okay.” The glare that she gave him contradicted his answer.

My curiosity got the best of me. “So what happened? Did that happen out there?”

She nodded her head up and down. “We got dumped and the kayak hit me on the head when I was under!”

My mouth fell open, and I stood there. It’s a wonder the bugs that fly around the seaweed didn’t come on in to stay for awhile! What he said next just about sent me back to Joe’s car.

“She doesn’t swim, so I think that made it worse. She freaked out pretty bad.”

She affirmed what he had said. “I never learned how to swim, and the ocean really scares me and now I know why. I will never, ever swim in the ocean!”

All I could do was agree with her. “You should probably get some ice on that bump of hers,” I told her husband. I looked up at her and smiled. “Whatever you do, don’t go to sleep for a while.” I tried to smile and wished them both well.

Now how in the world was I supposed to go out there?

Fearfully,

Evinda

 

 

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today. I’m so sorry that it’s taken me a while to get back to this story/revelation, but we’re finally back to it so grab your coffee and come on in. I think I left off in the parking lot of the kayak shop where I was on the fence as to whether I was going to go on this adventure or not. If this is your first time with us, you may want to check the archives from the week before last. That way you don’t feel like you’re jumping into the middle of the ocean! 🙂 Speaking of jumping in the ocean, did you hear about the kayakers who were nearly swallowed up by a lunging humpback whale in Santa Cruz just the other day? OMG! And I’m not meaning to say “Obama must go”! Now there’s a thought to make you smile! Just kidding. No politics! 🙂

Janine, Joe and my hubby began to make small talk as we made our way into Joe’s Kayak Shop, as if I was going. I still hadn’t made up my mind, but I didn’t bother to disagree with them either, even when it was our turn to put our reservation in and we made it for four. I say we because I truly was trying to work through the fear that was coursing its way through my veins like ice water. “I’m a stronger, different person than I was all those years ago,” I told myself. “Yeah, but the waves haven’t changed; they are still as powerful and threatening as when you were a little kid,” the other side of my brain screamed.

The reservation wasn’t for an hour and a half so we decided to go get a bit to eat. We walked around the block, down another street and couldn’t find what we were looking for. Actually, they were all being nice because I had suggested that we find a Mexican restaurant so I could have a big margarita. Uh-huh, I thought,” If I’m a bit numb, maybe I won’t be so scared” Maybe I could finally face this fear! 🙂 🙁 🙂 (Remember this thought for later in the story, please!) Besides, to me, any time is a good time to eat Mexican food. And chips and hot salsa are a definite addiction! I often wonder if my biological mom didn’t find me at a Mexican farm! 🙂

Well, as it turned out, there was no Mexican restaurant, so there was no margarita. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t looking to get drunk or buzzed and yet I felt that a margarita could sort of take the edge out or bring me in off the ledge, but now I know He didn’t want me to have anything in my system that would cloud or distort the truth that He was about to expose to me.

We had a great lunch and even laughed a lot. The food was even pretty good for not being Mexican food! I was able to put my fear aside for almost the whole meal, but when it came time to pay the bill, the butterflies in my stomach woke up and started raging a war inside, and not just in my stomach, they started making their way up to my mind.

My husband picked up on it right away and he suggested that we do something I love to do: walk on the beach for a while, so we did. Now normally, a walk along the beach can chase anything away that shouldn’t be there, in my mind that is, but this time, my gaze, both physical and emotional, was stuck like glue on all the kayakers out in the water. I tried to stay in the moments, drifting in and out of their conversations and occasional laughter as the time to answer was drawing nearer.

Join me tomorrow for more of the story . . .

Fearlessly,

Evinda

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me today. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the story. We are still on the freeway and I am stewing over my predicament of having a fun-filled day ripped out from underneath me because of my fear of the ocean. 🙂 🙁 🙂

I sat bunched in my corner of Joe’s car, the landscape just a blur of colors. Every now and then I would enter their conversation, but only momentarily.

It was while hunkered down facing the passing scenery that a part of the revelation came to me. It wasn’t an audible voice, so to speak, but more of a fleeting thought that kept coming back. Somehow my thoughts had quietly transferred from my fear to Chicklit Power Ministries, His ministry dedicated to helping and encouraging women toward wholeness, toward their Destination? Joyful! ™ The thought that kept running across my mind was this: This is how others whom you try to help and encourage feel about facing their fears!

Though I didn’t quite understand the reality of that revelation and it hadn’t sunk in just yet, I felt like a big wave had splashed me in the face for a reality check. I straightened up and faced the front, still somewhat lost in my thoughts, grasping for the depth of the main thought that was taking shape in my mind which was colliding with thoughts of some of the women our Father has allowed me to mentor in their unpacking process and their vocalization of their fears echoed in my heart.

While in their process, part of that process means they too are facing their fears. Each of them have shared their feelings of being scared of letting go of certain behaviors that keep then bound up and definitely away from their Destination? Joyful! ™, but that kind of fear didn’t feel like the kind of fear I was dealing with. However, I knew that before the day was over, more of the revelation would come to the forefront of my understanding.

I leaned back and began to relax again. My husband leaned into me, reminding me he would let nothing happen to me. I smiled to him but said nothing. I began to sing with the song that was playing on the radio and the one that came on after that. There’s something about Christian music that lightens the heart and rids the mind and soul of any fears. By the time we pulled into the parking lot and began walking toward Joe’s Kayak Shop, I was no longer convinced that I wasn’t going but neither was I committed to going. I was definitely on the fence.

Join me Monday to find out where I landed when I got off the fence! 🙂

Evinda

 

 

 

Fears are like . . . From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for joining me today for a cup of coffee and this new series, “Fears are like . . . “ I truly hope that this story will bring revelation in your life and take root in your heart and life. Grab your coffee and come on in! 🙂

So I have just announced that I was not going to be kayaking after all. Suddenly, my carefree day had gone sour and what I thought I was looking forward to was carried out to sea by the waves of fear that were threatening to overtake me, just like the waves had all those years ago.

“So where did you think we were going?” Joe said from the driver’s seat.

“You said we were going to the caves.” I sounded like a petulant toddler needing to have her diaper changed, even to my own ears.

“And that’s still where we’re going.”                                               The silence was deafening and the tension suffocating, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t think we were going in the ocean,” I managed to stammer.

“Where else can you kayak if not at the beach?” Joe was trying to be good-natured, and even invested a little bit of energy coming up with jokes. Everyone else laughed but me. All I could think of was waves, and I was more than a little frustrated with getting myself into this pickle.

George’s gentle voice brought me back to the tense air in the car. “It’s going to be okay,” he assured me. I listened as he explained to Joe and Janine how I could have made such a big mistake in my kayaking geography. “When we kayaked in Kauai, it was more like a river in a forest so that’s what she was probably thinking it was going to be like.”

I was grateful for my husband’s explanation for my misunderstanding and tried to smile my appreciation to him, but at the mention of Kauai, my eyes welled up. Oh, if I could only be there, anywhere but here, I miserably thought to myself.

He began to rub my arm gently, and Janine turned around to look at me and offer some words meant to be encouraging, and if it had been about anything else but kayaking in waves, I might have been encouraged. She even went as far to say something about there weren’t going to be any waves today and the surfers were not happy.

The crazy thing about this is the ocean is my favorite place to be, as long as I’m not IN it! I mean, I love to go boating but boating is WAY different from kayaking in many ways. The biggest difference is it’s really easy to tip a kayak! Just the thought of it and I tense up. I used to enjoy cruises, too, but the older I get the more claustrophobic I get.

Sitting at the beach, on the sand, is one of my most very favorite things to do. Nothing calms me like the sound of the waves, which He controls. Nothing inspires me like the sound of the waves as I sit on the sand and watch them. Whenever I do go to the beach and if it’s really hot, the most I’ll do is go in to my waist, and even then I’m gasping in fear. If I’m feeling real brave, I might bend down and let my head get wet. That’s on a real strong day! 🙂 But swimming in the ocean, absolutely not, not only no, but heck no!

“I’m really sorry, you guys,” I apologized from the back seat while almost curling up in the corner. George tried to tell me that I was going to kayak, and when he saw that wasn’t working, he gave up and joined my refusal to kayak all the while keeping his good-natured attitude. “That’s okay; you guys can kayak and we’ll sit on the beach, or maybe go for a walk.”

Oh, how sweet, I thought to myself. I still was a bit irritated with him for not only minimizing my fear, but actually making fun of me!  I watched the landscape go by and wondered how a day that had started out so filled with excitement and promises of fun could take a sharp turn down Nightmare Lane so quickly.

I began to kick myself inwardly as I realized I had been so ready for fun that I had come with nothing to do, nothing to read, no laptop to sit and work on, just my purse. The thought of sitting with him on the beach while he found ways to remind me that we should be out there kayaking with our friends was nothing I would willingly do, either.

I haven’t been in such a state of mind for I don’t know how long, but I am not the type of person, anymore that is, that can stay in an emotionally miserable place, either. I usually like to work through these tough times by looking for the good, finding a win/win way out, if you will.

Join me tomorrow for more of this saga of fear!

Smiling,

Evinda